Every once in a while, I like browsing through old entries in my journal. It’s a real trip! And because I go through phases in my journaling – sometimes writing daily, other times once every few months – depending on how often I turned to the page, I can review whole years in a few pages or get a glimpse of the daily tedium over a whole volume.

I recently read an entry from almost a decade ago and it hit me how much I’ve changed. It’s one of the greatest benefits of keeping a journal, I think. To have the ability to witness a younger version of yourself giving voice to her inner world; to hear the thoughts and feelings of what was alive at the moment of writing without the knowledge of what was to come. Remembering how one specific event changed a whole trajectory and delving into the beingness that brought it about.

In this particular entry I wrote: “Is it strange for me to consider how to be my best self? How to move in the world in the way that rings true to me?” It seems at the time I felt it had to do with self-indulgence. Perhaps the result of a well-primed mind searching to belong to a society that doesn’t look kindly on those following their own tune.

And yet, that is precisely what is required of us in order to create a life that’s fulfilling. The tension between the idea of what we think we’re expected to do and the idea of following our own inner guidance is one that is felt by many. I certainly felt it at the time I questioned my own authenticity, or the pull I felt to be authentic in a world that seemed unfriendly to my real self. Looking back, I can see how the journey I took enabled me to change, transform, and become who I am today. How wonderful it is to be able to look back on a past self and see the growth, the stretching, and the evolution into a current day version. To see the becoming unfold through the months and years. To celebrate the strength it took to step beyond the comfort zone while honouring the past version of ourselves that made the decision to grow.

We are always in a process of becoming. Which path will you choose?
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Think for a moment about creation.
How does one create something out of nothing?
A tree from a seed, an adult from a child,
a poem from a thought.
In all of these there is much nourishment and growth.
And perhaps it isn’t a process of creating out of nothing,
but rather out of great intention and care.
And so for us as well—the writers, and parents, and gardeners of the world, we must put our attention into our own vessels in order to grow the creator as much as the creation.